Yes! How great it is for me to look out my window to view a beautiful setting, drink a cooler, and listen to my favorite music while I write! I find myself getting side-tracked by old Motown tunes or Gary Moore blues as they work their way down my MP3 player I have playing in the background. I swear the beat of Motown and the sway and the sexiness of blues never leaves me! So what does this have do with writing, you may ask.
It’s not that hard to answer, and I do it gladly without remorse or regret. For the last eight months I have been reestablishing my life after a marriage sadly ended, my job failed, and I was forced to move from the home I love. For the first time in years I found myself really alone in a new world, far from what I had loved and had known. Oh the anxiety attacks I suffered, the tears, the “what if’s” and the unknown future that kept knocking every time I had to write a check ,make a decision on my own, and fix my computer that always seemed to cause problems! I hated all of it,and resisted what was around the bend for me, even though I hadn’t a clue what was waiting for me!
“Baby steps” is what my therapist recommended-that, and some damn good anti-anxiety pills. Okay, so I did it… slowly… resisting less everyday. I have had moments of pure euphoria when I learned on my own how to post my picture on Facebook, and download my pictures from my camera to Picassa. It is empowering to know I can do what needs to be done if no one is available to do it for me.
The next step was more of a leap than a baby step. It was writing again. In my last post I wrote how my husband and I fell in love while we both fell in love with writing. To write without my best friend, my beloved, was a thought that froze me. As time has passed, I have remembered that the reality was actually that we had stopped sharing our writing years ago, with only occasional tries and no success. We never had an ending to our story, and ironically that was the ending of us.
Taking a deep breath, I have started doing some Internet marketing, writing again on the novel I had started years ago, and started this blog. I have also joined a writing group that I have yet to actually gone to, but it’s a start. I promised the leader of the group I would definately be at the next meeting this Wednesday. Hopefully I can come up with a way to use the two words he has given for us to spur us along in anything we choose to write. “Baby steps”keep rattling around in my brain.
My mind is clearing. The fog is lifting as sure as it does on the lake I look at while I sit at my desk. My view is beautiful, and I am finding my way through it with the help of “baby steps”, friends, family, and words that have been taken out of the moth balls. My husband is still my best friend, and I pray for him that his view gets better as well. He was a hell of a writer.
So,my writer friends, don’t despair if the words don’t come to the page, or sentences don’t jive or jiggle. Don’t beat yourself up; it’s there, despite the obstacles. I have learned to listen to the silence, because in silence comes great strength and insight. Let the words come to you in their time. Just relax, kick your feet up, and soon you will feel empowered to write the words as they want to come. No anti-anxiety pills are needed, but a good cool one might not hurt.