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Stepping Stones and the Zen Master

I kept walking in the great expanse of old broken sticks, fallen trees, dead fern and dried up riverbeds. There was nothing left to this side. It was dead, and with each step came a deep sadness. I shuffled along the dry earth looking for a way to escape it. I walked for several hours, head bowed and heart broken before I reached the churning clean river.

The river fought with gusto as it danced fast over rocks and banks. The water was clear and I drank from it. Pure and clean its taste was sweet. I found a clearing on the banks and looked to the other side. I sat and observed the green on the other side. I remembered the cliche, “it’s always greener on the other side.” In this case it appeared to be true.

I heard steps gently breaking the fallen branches as they moved towards me. There in front of me was a Zen Master. Quietly he took a spot next to me and just sat.

“Breathe into the freshness of what is around you. It’s wonderful and sweet. Are you aware of it as it fills your lungs and lightens you?”

Surprised that he appeared next me and was directing me, I was at a loss of words. I did as he said and breathed in the sweet smell of green and felt my lungs fill with life.

“Energy flows where the attention goes. To awaken is to become who we are,” said the Zen Master. “What is your intention?”

I told him that I dreamed of getting to the other side, but didn’t know how to escape the deadness I was in.

“Then why don’t you do it? If you have clarity and awareness of your intention, you could cross to the other side. Look around you. What do you see?”

I saw large smooth stones that crossed in a path to the other side. Why hadn’t I noticed them before. They must not have been there before, I thought. As if he read my thoughts, he nodded and smiled.

“They were there all along. You were blinded to their possibilities, and open only to the prospect of staying stuck in this dead space. Awareness of the present moment, of being part of something much greater inside you, has and will always bring you clarity of your intention. It is not hard. Just breathe the sweet air of possibility rather than focusing on the lack of movement. This stream is pure and clean because it moves, changes, and rushes over every obstacle. It’s alive and free-flowing. You can be like this stream.”

I reached over to touch him and thank him for his wisdom, but he was gone. I looked around me and he was nowhere to be found. I sat there for many minutes in awe of what I had just experienced. Perhaps he was actually my inner voice. I got up and stepped down to embankment into the cold stream. As I looked closely at the rocks, I saw words of wisdom on each surface as I took my steps.

Clarity…..Awareness…….Intention……Manifest……POSSIBILITIES and ABUNDANCE

“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”
― Eckhart Tolle

Please comment and let me know your thoughts!

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Happy Mother’s Day

Writing Around the Bend

Today is Mother’s Day. I am a mom, and I am lucky enough to still have my mother with me. I don’t have many memories of Mother’s Day from when I was child other than to go to my grandmother’s house and take her flowers. I was too young to realize that although we honored my mother’s mother, we really didn’t honor our mother. I don’t remember any complaints from her for this oversight. She was happy with the little cards we made for her at school. She was Mom, and like many children, we took advantage of that and didn’t know how lucky we were to have her in our lives.

I used to complain how she would curl my hair in rags every night, and force me to wear frilly dresses. Of course I was a tomboy, so she always had a fight on her hands with the…

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Today I Put it to Rest

Today I decided to put my company to rest. After 16 years of working with the disabled, I closed my company in December 2012, and today I have boxed it all up. Glancing and reading through old files and programs, I was both happy and sad. Over 2,000 people I have serviced in my years, and with that ten times the memories.

Today I decided to put my life in order. After years of being a mom, a grandmother and wife, ex-wife, I put my thoughts, in a file cabinet in hopes that those I leave behind will read what I have written about so many periods of my life- my happiest times, and my low times. I have filed away years of writing to leave it in wait for when my children will come across it and finally understand who I am.

Today I ran across an old goal list I wrote in 2001. Out of 25 goals, I reached only 3. I put away the list, and will start a new one. Many of my goals no longer exist, such as being the best company, or having a new dream house. My goals were misdirected, and caused so much heartache in my marriage and life. Now I have no marriage, and no dream house.

Today I put my past to rest.
Today I am happy to have a house, small and old as it is.
Today I realized how much I have learned from my past.
Today I love my children deeper and richer
Today I love my life- simple as it is
Today I look forward to what is to come with no expectations
Today I packed away my regrets and am now thankful that the regrets brought me to the place I am now.

Les Brown said, “The good times we put in our pocket. The hard times we put in our hearts.”

Today I put them in a safe place to take out and hold in memory and quiet expectation and joy with no regrets, only sweet and bitter life lessons.

What have you learned from you life lessons?

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The Whisper- I Did Done Do It

For thirty years I have written stories for my children and grandchildren. There have been action stories, fantasy stories, and many Christmas stories. My stories are my gift to my children as they have been written with love, humor, and good life lessons. I never felt that they meant anything to them as they never jumped for joy when I announced I had another story to read, but I continued to write them and read them as they grew up. Now I write for their kids.

A few months ago, my son Derek, asked me if I was ever going to do anything with The Whisper. I was dumbstruck that he even remembered the story let alone ask if I would someday get it published. I joked with him and told him that I had been waiting for him to grow up so he could do the cover. He called my bluff and asked me to send the first three chapters to him and he would do the cover! I had no choice but to finish it. He put me on the spot and off on another writing spree of editing and re-editing. He got me excited again about that old story.

For years I kept my stories hidden from anyone but my children. I don’t know why, really. I suppose I felt they weren’t good enough or strong enough to stand up against the change in kids of today. I didn’t write about vampires and strong evil out to kill. I just wrote good fantasy that was about good feelings and life’s lessons. When Derek asked me to do something with it, I thought, what the heck, at least the kids will have an actual book I wrote.

My son gave me a gift- that of encouragement and the feeling that my book may be worth something special to some little kid who might just like the softer fantasy of wizards and adventure. Time will tell, but I’m going for it. The next chapter book is in the works and will be a continuation of Tippin ,a twelve year old boy, and the aging Wizard Gladwyn, whose spells don’t always come easy. Together they journey on exciting adventures.

The Whisper is available on Amazon.com and Amazon Europe.

Derek Von Ecker is an artist, dreamer, and curator originally from Michigan, with a B.F.A from the College of Creative Studies in Detroit. Derek now resides in Chicago, Illinois where he draws inspiration from his imagination, pop-culture, and personal experiences to create his works of art. Von Ecker’s work can be seen in galleries throughout the Midwest, and his illustrations have been splashed across everything from children’s books, shoes, handbags, skateboards and t-shirts. To view more of Von Ecker’s work you can visit his web gallery at http://www.voncecker.carbonmade.com

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Persistance, Surrender, and Finding Your Cheese

“Nothing ever happens in the past that can prevent you from being present now, and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?”
Eckhart Tolle

I did myself a favor today. I took a walk to the beach to clear my head. Persistence and surrender came to mind as I sat on the bench looking across the water. Persistence is both a good and bad thing. In my case, persistence has been both a burden and a blessing. I was persistent in staying in a past that no longer existed– that was the burden. Persistence in living in the present moment is the blessing.

Surrender is the savior. It reduces the persistent gnawing that I have had about the past. I hate to admit it, but I am the worst at letting go of memories and seem to be persistent in forgetting the worst times. I know when I’m doing it. I recognize this weakness in myself. I know I have to surrender the past and move forward in the future. Surrendering my past, has been the blessing. In surrender comes freedom to explore new possibilities and new life changes in the present moment. Life is so good when the past is put away and a new road awaits.

The Mouse, The Zen Master and the Cheese

The Zen Master was taking his afternoon walk. As he looked down, he saw his rodent friend the mouse, and reached down to pick him up. ” Still looking in the same places I see. You look troubled and so unhappy.”

The little mouse sighed. “I want the cheese I used to get. I keep remembering how good it tasted, and how beautiful it was to look at. Now all I get is dull looking cheese with holes in it. Nothing satisfies me like the cheese I once got.”

The Zen Master stroked the mouse’s head and looked deep into the little mouse’s eyes. “I can see you are hurting, but not to worry. It’s all about attitude and surrender. What you had was good cheese, but there are so many other wonderful things to taste. You have forgotten that even the best cheese can go bad. If you persist in looking for what you once had, all the rest that is here in front of you goes unnoticed and never to be savored. You will miss the best to come! You cannot be like your cousin the hampster on a wheel just working and working and going nowhere. It isn’t in you to stay in one place.” The Zen Master reached down and saw some crumbs of bread on the ground. “Did you see this? It is full of yummy things for you. Taste it for a new flavor. Touch it for its new feel. Smell it for its sweetness.” He passed it to the mouse who did what he was told.

The mouse’s little nose sniffed at its sweet smell. Umm, it’s a good smell, he thought. His little paws placed the bread in his mouth. He closed his eyes and chewed. “Umm, it tastes as good as it smells, ” he said to the Zen Master. “Now I get what you are trying to tell me. If I hadn’t been open to surrender, I would have missed this experience.”

The Zen Master smiled as he saw the look of pleasure and happiness on the mouse’s face. He placed the mouse back on the ground, and said, “now go and be happy with what is waiting for you now. I guarantee you will be happy with all the new joys life has to offer.” The little mouse scurried off to find what else was waiting for him, and the Zen Master smiled as he watched his little friend run off to new happiness.

What ways have you had to surrender to your past? Please comment in the comment section. I am most interested in sharing.

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Happy Mother’s Day

Today is Mother’s Day. I am a mom, and I am lucky enough to still have my mother with me. I don’t have many memories of Mother’s Day from when I was a child other than to go to my grandmother’s house and take her flowers. I was too young to realize that although we honored my mother’s mother, we really didn’t honor our mother. I don’t remember any complaints from her for this oversight. She was happy with the little cards we made for her at school. She was Mom, and like many children, we took advantage of that and didn’t know how lucky we were to have her in our lives.

I used to complain how she would curl my hair in rags every night, and force me to wear frilly dresses. Of course I was a tomboy, so she always had a fight on her hands with the frills and curls. Three hot meals a day was the norm in our house. Everyone’s needs came first. I never thought as to how she probably would have preferred to spend her time reading a magazine or relaxing in a nice hot tub. She was a 1950’s mom, a stay at home mom, a Donna Reed kind of mom.

I am a mom with six wonderful kids- all grown with kids of their own. I remember Mother’s Day when they were growing up. I had gifts of sprouted bean plants in fancy paper cups, and cards carefully drawn and colored with lots of “I love yous” on them. Their dad always bought me marigolds to plant- never my favorite- but flowers just the same. They would help me plant them in the garden.

When I go way back, I remember my first Mother’s Day with my baby girl. Her dad bought me a rocking chair I had wanted desperately so I could cuddle and hold her. What a wonderful feeling that was to rock her to sleep.  I was the happiest young mom around. I felt blessed for what I had been given. I loved being her mom so much that I wanted more children.

When the second was born, I was so in love with the first,  I wondered how could I love the second as much as the first. I needn’t have worried. I had plenty of love to go around. That is how a mother’s heart works. No matter how many children, there is always enough. I had six wonderful kids- trying at times, but the love never stops, the concern never stops no matter their age. They are all gifts, all little packages we mothers unwrap over the years. We watch them unfold in their talents, their personalities, their joys and sorrows. Our pride in them never wanes.

I have never been the kind of mom my mom was. When the children were very small- the first four of them, I didn’t work. I was a PTO mom, a “rah rah” mom when the kids started tee ball or asked if I would come to the school and help out for field trips and fun things to do the school was offering.

As the family grew,  the expenses did as well.  I had to go to work. I juggled my work schedule with my be at home schedule, but I no longer was  a stay at home mom, a three meals a day mom. I have always regretted that, but I have no apologies for it. Financial responsibilities grew as the children did.  With our big brood,two working parents were necessary to keep the family going. From the youngest to the oldest, my kids had to clean their own rooms, do their part in chores to help me keep the house going. I wasn’t always there like my mom was to bandage a boo boo or have a mother/child talk when there was hurt or confusion in their lives. To this day it saddens me that my kids were on their own a lot when I worked. The older ones cared for the younger ones. Being “mom” often caused a lot of arguments and resentments from them.They cared for each other when I should have been there. I had always worried that they would feel abandoned or hurt that I wasn’t there all the time. I hoped they knew I loved them, despite my working outside the home. I wasn’t totally absent; but life in our household changed. Looking back I am full of regret and am sorrowful for not  being that mom who was always there.

Today, I have bittersweet memories when our  home gradually turned into a “zoo” while I tried to juggle back and forth from working mom to a stay at home mom. I was no Donna Reed. My children survived, but without some scars of me not being there.

I am proud to say, that all of my children are grown and successful adults with children of their own. My daughters have loving relationships with their children. My sons are great dads to their children. My one son, raises his daughter alone, and she is a smiling happy little girl. My other son is a wonderful uncle to his siblings kids.

There is a lot to be said for being an “at home mom.” For the young mothers of today, if it’s possible, stay home, be a mom to your kids. There is no more important job in the world than being a mom to your children.

Please comment if you have something to say.